I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
