Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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