I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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