i was born a porn star she said
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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