all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
