before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dear god my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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