Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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