we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
