I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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