Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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