Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
