I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
