Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
