its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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