ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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