I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
