she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
