Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
