I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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