just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
