I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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