New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
