So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
