She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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