I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
