Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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