I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
