Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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