That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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