i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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