I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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