Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
