Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
