its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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