my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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