Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
