I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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