They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
