oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
