I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
