i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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