I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
