she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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