Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
