i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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