just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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