The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
