Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
