there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
