my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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