So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I die, sorry about rent.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
