I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
